इ हवे थे रिघ्त तो बे Wrong

I Have the Right to be Wrong

It’s taken me a long time to learn, and I was reminded again in working with a client today, I have the right to be wrong. Oft times, upon reflection, I am wrong.
New behaviors dictate that when I know I am wrong, I promptly admit it, and make amends when needed.
I’ve also learned that if I don’t try things, not much new will happen. Everything I try does not work out. I have made what in retrospect are large mistakes, but through them I have grown.
Today, I was listening to a person beat themselves up over a mistake. Did the self-administered beating lead to anything productive for the person other than get them to pull into a shell? Both of us knew the answer.
Was there learning available?
There sure was, the action certainly fell under the heading of what I call a sin of commission, a nothing ventured nothing gained!
On a daily business, I must remember, I have the right to be wrong. I have free will, and have yet not learned to exercise it 100% correctly, but then, I’m work in progress.
In the journey, to make progress, it is sometimes two steps forward and one step back, but this results, overall in progress!! That’s all one can ask.
It was a great weekend and a chance for reflection as I took time way from the computer and the “business” things I do, which are at times intensely personal. During a competitive round of golf, and in conversation with some I am closest to in my life, I made some mistakes and was far less than perfect. That was OK. It’s great to realize I have the right to be wrong; it is how I deal with it that matters.
Many feel driven to be “perfect” or hit a home run in every life at bat they face. It doesn’t happen, and we have to accept our humanness. Each of us has the right to be wrong, and when wrong, deal with it in a loving fashion.
What a relief to accept I’m merely human and certainly not in charge of much outside of my own life!

Change

Things do not change; we change.
--Henry David Thoreau

For a man who is in the coaching business, and is on the life journey I’m on, I find the title statement PROFOUND. Think on it and see if you can see the depth of the thought.
I spent a good portion of my life thinking I could change people, places and things. I learned the hard way that the world would run just fine without my direction, if my life were to improve; it was going to improve by my change within. I lived the true definition of insanity, repeating behaviors and expecting a different outcome. IT DID NOT WORK.
The quoted words are not mine and express a truth that I totally buy in to.
“The Universe by nature is loving and supportive. Successful people know how to tap this support by enlisting the cooperation of others in order to achieve their goals. They also know that to receive support, they must first support themselves.

An entrepreneur once told his fellow inventors, "Before others will believe in you, you must believe in yourself. Your faith in yourself will attract investment capital more than any business plan could."

Unfortunately, the people who need the most support often have the hardest time asking for it. Growing up in an environment where love was denied, they don't believe they deserve it. This is why it is important to affirm our basic worthiness.

People want to extend themselves to you; it feels good to give. Encourage them to do so by believing in yourself and reaching out for what you want. The Universe will reach back to take your hand. Believe in yourself and others will believe in you. It cannot be otherwise.”
These are the fundamentals I try to live by, use in the service work I love doing, and bring to my coaching practice.
I work in a service capacity with men in addiction recovery, not as a coach, but as a sponsor. I work with clients on goals setting, life restoration, self-motivation, accountability, life balance, and adjusting to a new country and cultural norms. I coach and bring out the talents my clients have, and help them see what it is they are really searching for and coach them to use their abilities to get their dreams.
In my addiction coaching work, I coach people through a process with goals in mind; goals that go beyond stopping an addiction or distancing from addictive people.
Change begins in all cases when we change how we look at and deal with our self. I learned the hard way, and am pleased that I have been used to help many others make the changes they need to make for themselves.
When I found out the positives that were within me (I easily knew the negatives) and focused on them, worked a process and changed, the world was a better place. The world did not change; I DID.
Are you ready to seek help and change? It takes real courage!!

The face in the mirror

The face in the mirror

I like others, can be sensitive to what others say, and what I perceive they think, about me? Can anyone relate?

I have a very deep faith that the higher power in my life exists within (as well as outside) me. As I go through my journey, and with the beliefs I have, I must be mindful that “the face in the mirror” is the one I have to be comfortable with! To wit:

"Our inability to see beauty doesn't suggest in the slightest that beauty is not there. Rather, it suggests that we are not looking carefully enough or with broad enough perspective to see the beauty." -- Rabbi Harold Kushner

Who are you? You can gaze at your reflection in a mirror but you're not likely to see your true likeness. You are beautiful, unique, perfect. Do you see that?

The world needs you to see how whole and complete you are -- now. Can you begin to own your divinity? The world needs you to know who you really are so you can be the mirror for others.

"I do only want to advise you to keep growing quietly and seriously throughout your whole development; you cannot disturb it more rudely than by looking outward and expecting from outside replies to questions that only your inmost feeling in your most hushed hour can perhaps answer." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

"The sun shines not on us but in us. The rivers flow not past, but through us, thrilling, tingling, vibrating every fiber and cell of the substance of our bodies, making them glide and sing." -- John Muir

In working with both my inner self, and with others, I do it on the basis that the higher power I know created us perfect and with purpose. Time and experience has distorted that, but the being I was a birth still dwells within.

The journey is to recognize that in my life, and bring it to the forefront on a daily basis!

In working with others, it is my belief that we all have tremendous ability within, and that with guidance, we can make tremendous change and improvement as we align with life purpose!

Ego- Two Sides

Ego- Two Sides

Generally, when we hear the word ego, it is said with distain. I don’t think ego is a negative; it is god given and is a part of each of us. Webster defines ego, in part, as one’s image of one’s self. We all have one.

When ego is out of whack with reality, there is a problem. We can move to a place where our self-image is way too high; conversely, and as bad, we can think way too poorly of ourselves.

As in all things, balance is a key, and everyone who functions well does so with healthy self-esteem; ego in balance.

“It may be that problem living (drinking) is, indeed, as some psychological experts say, an ailment characterized especially by egocentricity. Not all addicted people (or people) are egotistical, although many of us have learned to see that tendency in ourselves. Others of us felt inferior most of the time; we felt equal or superior to other people only when drinking.

No matter which type we were, we realize now that we were excessively self-centered, chiefly concerned about our feelings, our problems, other people’s reactions to us, and our own past and future. Therefore, trying to get into communication with and to help other people is a recovery measure for us, because it helps take us out of ourselves. Trying to heal ourselves by helping others works, even when it is an insincere gesture. Try it some time.”

© 1975, AAWS, Inc., Living Sober, page 84

Because of my past, and a lot of the readings I get, the AA program forms a big part of my belief system; but it is a belief system that is applicable to every human being.

I have worked diligently to try to understand who I am and why, and as the quote suggests, a big part of this has been through communication with others, both inside my recovery program and outside.

In both my personal and business lives I have genuinely reached out to try and be of help to others, and try to do so in both areas on a daily basis. Today, I can honestly say I do it with sincerity.

My higher power and those close to me have a way of keeping my ego in balance. In my own case, I find it at times easy to get down on myself, and internally have to remind myself of the talents I do have, and the positives I am allowed to be a part of. It’s easy for those who don’t know me and my motives to knock; today, my higher power is my judge. Conscious contact is a daily task.

There is a consistency with people I work with. On the outside, the ego appears to be very healthy quite often. On the inside, most are looking for self-esteem, that healthy balance that is good ego!

There’s talent within each of us, may we all find and recognize it!